What's it made out of?
Anyone know?
If someone could tell me I'll be somewhat grateful...
But likely disgusted.
What did Markk make me eat?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
I struggle with forward motion
Title adapted from "Forward Motion" - Album: Two Lefts Don't Make A Right, But Three Do. Artist: Relient K
Change of mood. Time for a serious blog.
Life seems a bit stagnant at the moment. Don't get me wrong, socially it's been great. In fact, I'm hardly ever home, and when I am I'll often have somebody over. Probably the most social I've ever been would be this year - hands down (lol, I love that phrase). Been cool. Other than that it's been packed with family gatherings, Tafe, birthdays, medical symposiums, going to the footy, house-sitting...so whilst it's been nutso busy, it also seems to be on a bit of a standstill.
I guess I'm talking mostly about life on a more career basis, as well as the future in general. As seen in previous blogs, I have some big dreams (missions, professional actress, children's psychologist, starting a family & adopting kids from all over the globe).
I aim high.
What frustrates me is that I don't do anything about it. And I don't know how to get there. It's like waiting for the waiter to bring you your meal, exactly what you want, without ordering. I know nothing will happen if I don't get off my butt and do something about it, yet I still expect that mind-reader waiter to bring that perfect meal, without speaking a word to them, even though I know it's impossible.
Does that make sense?
Honestly, I used to be afraid of time moving forward, getting older and change; and I still am sometimes. But I think now it's not so much just the time moving on, it's that it'll move on and I'll remain standing still.
Why don't I do anything?
I don't know.
That's the silly thing.
Then there's doubting what I want for my future. Maybe that's a reason I don't do anything? For example, I plan to leave my course next year and transfer into Liberal Arts, then a year or 2 after that transfer into Psychology at Uni. I'm afraid that I'll finally get there and find that it's not what I want at all.
I'm not sure I know what I want. Hmm. Bit scary I suppose? Yes. Yes it is.
"Cos forward motion is harder than it sounds..."
Is it?
Maybe we're just lazy.
Maybe we're just too afraid to make mistakes.
Change of mood. Time for a serious blog.
Life seems a bit stagnant at the moment. Don't get me wrong, socially it's been great. In fact, I'm hardly ever home, and when I am I'll often have somebody over. Probably the most social I've ever been would be this year - hands down (lol, I love that phrase). Been cool. Other than that it's been packed with family gatherings, Tafe, birthdays, medical symposiums, going to the footy, house-sitting...so whilst it's been nutso busy, it also seems to be on a bit of a standstill.
I guess I'm talking mostly about life on a more career basis, as well as the future in general. As seen in previous blogs, I have some big dreams (missions, professional actress, children's psychologist, starting a family & adopting kids from all over the globe).
I aim high.
What frustrates me is that I don't do anything about it. And I don't know how to get there. It's like waiting for the waiter to bring you your meal, exactly what you want, without ordering. I know nothing will happen if I don't get off my butt and do something about it, yet I still expect that mind-reader waiter to bring that perfect meal, without speaking a word to them, even though I know it's impossible.
Does that make sense?
Honestly, I used to be afraid of time moving forward, getting older and change; and I still am sometimes. But I think now it's not so much just the time moving on, it's that it'll move on and I'll remain standing still.
Why don't I do anything?
I don't know.
That's the silly thing.
Then there's doubting what I want for my future. Maybe that's a reason I don't do anything? For example, I plan to leave my course next year and transfer into Liberal Arts, then a year or 2 after that transfer into Psychology at Uni. I'm afraid that I'll finally get there and find that it's not what I want at all.
I'm not sure I know what I want. Hmm. Bit scary I suppose? Yes. Yes it is.
"Cos forward motion is harder than it sounds..."
Is it?
Maybe we're just lazy.
Maybe we're just too afraid to make mistakes.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The scariest dream I've ever had...
**Warning!! May frighten younger (and maybe older?) readers...
It was about 10 years ago. Maybe even more. But I can still safely say it's on the top of my list of nightmares.
In my dream I was awake in bed. So, naturally I thought I really was awake, particularly as it was all really really vivid.
I was looking around the room, nothing unusual, everything in its place; just wondering why I wasn't sleeping...even though I was. I looked across the room to my sister who was asleep in bed.
I then looked under her bed (from where I was)
And saw
Two
Green
Lights.
Which turned out to be eyes.
I couldn't see anything else of this figure...until it opened its mouth.
It grinned with bright, fluro, glowing teeth.
And started to come out from underneath the bed.
It was some woman/beast thing, looking all-human except for her glowing eyes and teeth, and claws...
Long, long claws.
She had dark brown hair cut into a bob and a heavy fringe.
Pale skin.
And she started to come towards me.
*I think some of her character may have been based on some character from a horror movie that was being advertised on TV at the time.
I saw she was making her way towards me and rolled over, facing the wall. My eyes were scrunched up tightly and my breathing deep, hoping that she'd go away.
She stood beside my bed.
Whilst screaming she began scratching me with her nails. Blood going all over the place. I'm pretty sure I was screaming too. I just remember a lot of noise and blood.
Then I woke up.
Sweaty, panting.
And covered in blood.
What the hell?
Ironic, but I had a nosebleed.
It took me a while to convince myself it had been a dream, however.
It was about 10 years ago. Maybe even more. But I can still safely say it's on the top of my list of nightmares.
In my dream I was awake in bed. So, naturally I thought I really was awake, particularly as it was all really really vivid.
I was looking around the room, nothing unusual, everything in its place; just wondering why I wasn't sleeping...even though I was. I looked across the room to my sister who was asleep in bed.
I then looked under her bed (from where I was)
And saw
Two
Green
Lights.
Which turned out to be eyes.
I couldn't see anything else of this figure...until it opened its mouth.
It grinned with bright, fluro, glowing teeth.
And started to come out from underneath the bed.
It was some woman/beast thing, looking all-human except for her glowing eyes and teeth, and claws...
Long, long claws.
She had dark brown hair cut into a bob and a heavy fringe.
Pale skin.
And she started to come towards me.
*I think some of her character may have been based on some character from a horror movie that was being advertised on TV at the time.
I saw she was making her way towards me and rolled over, facing the wall. My eyes were scrunched up tightly and my breathing deep, hoping that she'd go away.
She stood beside my bed.
Whilst screaming she began scratching me with her nails. Blood going all over the place. I'm pretty sure I was screaming too. I just remember a lot of noise and blood.
Then I woke up.
Sweaty, panting.
And covered in blood.
What the hell?
Ironic, but I had a nosebleed.
It took me a while to convince myself it had been a dream, however.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Quick Thought
Compare:
"You're so shallow."
to
"You're so thick."
They imply the same thing, yet the words 'shallow' and 'thick' on their own can almost be considered antonyms.
Fascinating...
"You're so shallow."
to
"You're so thick."
They imply the same thing, yet the words 'shallow' and 'thick' on their own can almost be considered antonyms.
Fascinating...
Saturday, May 12, 2007
May (thus far...)
Have been very busy, highly eventful and a lot of fun.
I started writing a blog last week about each day, including times I did things! But it's taking a looong time, so I think I'll scrap the times and just write a...ermm...summary (even though we all know my summaries are bound to be long...
Lets start with Wednesday, 2nd of May. Can't remember a lot about the 1st, was boring. Things got interesting the next day.
Wednesday, 2nd of May.
*Please insert stress throughout the day...as I had an assignment I hadn't started...due the next day...
Tim's 16th Birthday. Give him a shirt, wallet, and leggo.
Eat chocolate cupcake and chocolate chip cookie...for breakfast...
Go to Tafe (Story Structure class).
Drink Coke Zero
Stress about assignment due the next day for Editing that I hadn't started.
Eat chocolate cookie (someone had baked some for class).
Skip half of class seeing as I'm withdrawing from the course quite possibly, and go to shops.
Drink V.
Visit Josh in All Phones. Buy phone sock.
Go home.
Get ready to go out to dinner.
Go to La Porchettas.
Eat mushroom risotto and drink lemon, lime & bitters (non-alco).
Eat chocolate mousse.
Go home.
Get on computer and start researching along with MSN and Myspace.
Amuse friends in my highly sugary and caffinated state.
Decide at 10pm to change assignment topic.
Nearly finished by 3am.
Go to bed.
Thursday, 3rd.
*Insert ready to collapse and die feeling all throughout the day up until about 9pm.
Wake up 9am.
Get on computer.
Finish assignment by 12:20pm.
Freak out, as assignment isn't printing...but then it does.
Freak out, as taxi due in 10 minutes...and I'm still in my pajamas...and I need a shower.
Run through shower (literally)
Get dressed, hair & teeth brushed, stuff in bag.
Taxi arrives at 12:30.
Hungry - no breakfast again. :(
Buy bottle (as opposed to my usual can) of V...as I can barely stay awake...
Editing class at 1pm. Yay for learning about sentence structure...
Break at 2:30
Check out blogs n stuff on library computers.
Back in class 2:45.
Hand in assignment.
Get dubbed 'Queen of Darkness' by teacher (Clare). Hehehe funny. Story for another blog. She's a great teacher that one.
Class finished at 4.
Go to shops.
See Josh in All Phones again.
Organise movies with he, Avanthi and Meagan that night.
Stuff Industry Overview class and stay at shops. Cant....stay....awake....
Go home at 7.
Get ready.
Get to Avanthis by 8.
Leave hers by 9.
Arrive at cinemas.
Buy tickets, popcorn, icecreams, drinks, Vs...
*More high caffinated state.
Go to Spiderman 3 premiere. (ok movie. 7/10. Bit too long...Toby McGuire should keep the emo look. Heck yes!)
Drive back to Avanthis.
Suffer immense torture under the driving hands of Meagan. Need to pee. Takes foot off accelerator at last 2 streets before her house. Goes round and round and round the roundabout. Everyone makes water sounds. (Yeah......friends......?) Lol.
Hang out at Avanthis. Jokes... Unrepeatable jokes. Funnyyyy! Literally ROFL...
Get home 2am. Or somethin.
Friday, 4th.
Bum around.
Stay in pajamas till 4pm.
Don't do a lot...
Start writing Gran's speech for her 60th for next night.
Go out to Avanthi's with Meagan and Josh again at 8:30
Watch movies (White Chicks, Fast & Furious), eat pizza.
Chat. Support. Good friends. :)
Get home at 4:30am.
Saturday, 5th.
Write more speech.
Get ready for Gran's party (her 60th).
Parrrtttyyyyy.
Catch up with family and friends I haven't seen for about 5 years. :)
Yay!
Make speech. Goes pretty ok.
Good night :)
Sunday, 6th.
Georgia's 11th Birthday. Give her present - Doodle Bear.
Go to Grandma's house, where aunty, uncle and cousin Jess are there (amongst a number of others from interstate who've come down for Gran's 60th). Meet Jess for first time. Woot! My gosh she's cute! Should post pics...then again I also need one of myself...
Eat left over party food.
Enjoy good company.
=]
Monday, 7th.
Work at 9am.
Open envelopes. Type mysterious codes and details. Remove staples.
All day.
Fun...
Go home at 5.
Organise taxi for book promotion thingy.
Go to that.
IT'S JACKIE COLLINS!
Never had heard of her...but apparently she's like mega super world-wide famous.
And she's known as a "raunchy modernist."
Rowr.
Listen to her speak. Mostly about her new book. She name-drops. A. LoT!
Some nice random buys one of her books for me.
Meet Jackie Collins.
She signs book.
Woo.
Brag to friends.
Ha.
Go home. Eat dinner. MSN. Bed.
Tuesday, 8th.
Wake up at 8:30.
No work for me. Not needed.
Get ready for day.
Leave house 9:30.
Get on train at 10.
Meet Mat at station 10:40ish.
Go to his. Watch Good Will Hunting. Good movie.
Eat pies and doughnut.
Go to Jane's.
Make brownies. They make. Sarah eats. Lol.
Eat brownies with ice cream. Yummmm.
Hang out. Good times.
Go to station 6ish.
Train arrives 6:45 odd
Get home 7:30ish
Dinner, MSN, Bed.
Wednesday, 9th.
Get ready, etc.
Taxi 12:30
Story Structure class 1pm
Teacher crosses out almost every word in my story. Hmph. Have to re-word nearly everything...
Class finished round 4.
Not a lot else happens this day.
Thursday, 10th.
Falalalalah get ready, etc.
Taxi 12:30.
Whoops. No Editing class today. Off to shops.
Get Thai Green Curry Chicken for lunch. So damn good...but so fReaKiN HoT!
Hang about at Josh's work again.
Career's councelling at 3:30. Don't get a lot out of it. Hmmm...
Back to shops at 4:15ish.
Go to Industry Overview class. Ok speaker. Poet dude. Interesting.
Class finishes 7.
Hang in library on computers till 8.
Go home w/Josh as we're watching movies at Avanthi's.
Take about 8 DVDs from my place.
Get to Avanthis.
Go get pizza.
Go back for that 1 DVD we didn't get. (Chicago! YAYYYY!)
Eat pizza. Watch movie. Woo.
Get TGS podcasts. Woooooo!!!
Movie finishes. Put on Monster House.
Movie finishes. Put on Over the Hedge.
Don't finish. Head home. About 3am.
Sleeeep.
Friday, 11th.
Friday = Sarah's official lazy day. Sleep sleep sleeeeeep!
5ish - Go to Gran's for dinner. Catch up with the aunts n uncle n cousin again. :)
BBQ dinner. Play with Jess. Bubbles - yay!
(Discover guava Cruisers. So good!)
Hehe.
Good family times.
Saturday, 12th. (present day)
Listen to ipod for substantial portion of the morning.
Go to shops.
Buy Mother's Day things that I can't say yet...cos Mum could read this before then...hehe.
And Fall Out Boy CD.
Haven't listened to much of it yet so couldn't tell you what I think of it...
And Coke (duh!)
Spend like 3 hours writing this up.
Freakin' ages!
Probably a boring read, but these past couple of months have been awesome! A lot of fun.
Fantastic people, great times.
Sarah is happy. :)
I started writing a blog last week about each day, including times I did things! But it's taking a looong time, so I think I'll scrap the times and just write a...ermm...summary (even though we all know my summaries are bound to be long...
Lets start with Wednesday, 2nd of May. Can't remember a lot about the 1st, was boring. Things got interesting the next day.
Wednesday, 2nd of May.
*Please insert stress throughout the day...as I had an assignment I hadn't started...due the next day...
Tim's 16th Birthday. Give him a shirt, wallet, and leggo.
Eat chocolate cupcake and chocolate chip cookie...for breakfast...
Go to Tafe (Story Structure class).
Drink Coke Zero
Stress about assignment due the next day for Editing that I hadn't started.
Eat chocolate cookie (someone had baked some for class).
Skip half of class seeing as I'm withdrawing from the course quite possibly, and go to shops.
Drink V.
Visit Josh in All Phones. Buy phone sock.
Go home.
Get ready to go out to dinner.
Go to La Porchettas.
Eat mushroom risotto and drink lemon, lime & bitters (non-alco).
Eat chocolate mousse.
Go home.
Get on computer and start researching along with MSN and Myspace.
Amuse friends in my highly sugary and caffinated state.
Decide at 10pm to change assignment topic.
Nearly finished by 3am.
Go to bed.
Thursday, 3rd.
*Insert ready to collapse and die feeling all throughout the day up until about 9pm.
Wake up 9am.
Get on computer.
Finish assignment by 12:20pm.
Freak out, as assignment isn't printing...but then it does.
Freak out, as taxi due in 10 minutes...and I'm still in my pajamas...and I need a shower.
Run through shower (literally)
Get dressed, hair & teeth brushed, stuff in bag.
Taxi arrives at 12:30.
Hungry - no breakfast again. :(
Buy bottle (as opposed to my usual can) of V...as I can barely stay awake...
Editing class at 1pm. Yay for learning about sentence structure...
Break at 2:30
Check out blogs n stuff on library computers.
Back in class 2:45.
Hand in assignment.
Get dubbed 'Queen of Darkness' by teacher (Clare). Hehehe funny. Story for another blog. She's a great teacher that one.
Class finished at 4.
Go to shops.
See Josh in All Phones again.
Organise movies with he, Avanthi and Meagan that night.
Stuff Industry Overview class and stay at shops. Cant....stay....awake....
Go home at 7.
Get ready.
Get to Avanthis by 8.
Leave hers by 9.
Arrive at cinemas.
Buy tickets, popcorn, icecreams, drinks, Vs...
*More high caffinated state.
Go to Spiderman 3 premiere. (ok movie. 7/10. Bit too long...Toby McGuire should keep the emo look. Heck yes!)
Drive back to Avanthis.
Suffer immense torture under the driving hands of Meagan. Need to pee. Takes foot off accelerator at last 2 streets before her house. Goes round and round and round the roundabout. Everyone makes water sounds. (Yeah......friends......?) Lol.
Hang out at Avanthis. Jokes... Unrepeatable jokes. Funnyyyy! Literally ROFL...
Get home 2am. Or somethin.
Friday, 4th.
Bum around.
Stay in pajamas till 4pm.
Don't do a lot...
Start writing Gran's speech for her 60th for next night.
Go out to Avanthi's with Meagan and Josh again at 8:30
Watch movies (White Chicks, Fast & Furious), eat pizza.
Chat. Support. Good friends. :)
Get home at 4:30am.
Saturday, 5th.
Write more speech.
Get ready for Gran's party (her 60th).
Parrrtttyyyyy.
Catch up with family and friends I haven't seen for about 5 years. :)
Yay!
Make speech. Goes pretty ok.
Good night :)
Sunday, 6th.
Georgia's 11th Birthday. Give her present - Doodle Bear.
Go to Grandma's house, where aunty, uncle and cousin Jess are there (amongst a number of others from interstate who've come down for Gran's 60th). Meet Jess for first time. Woot! My gosh she's cute! Should post pics...then again I also need one of myself...
Eat left over party food.
Enjoy good company.
=]
Monday, 7th.
Work at 9am.
Open envelopes. Type mysterious codes and details. Remove staples.
All day.
Fun...
Go home at 5.
Organise taxi for book promotion thingy.
Go to that.
IT'S JACKIE COLLINS!
Never had heard of her...but apparently she's like mega super world-wide famous.
And she's known as a "raunchy modernist."
Rowr.
Listen to her speak. Mostly about her new book. She name-drops. A. LoT!
Some nice random buys one of her books for me.
Meet Jackie Collins.
She signs book.
Woo.
Brag to friends.
Ha.
Go home. Eat dinner. MSN. Bed.
Tuesday, 8th.
Wake up at 8:30.
No work for me. Not needed.
Get ready for day.
Leave house 9:30.
Get on train at 10.
Meet Mat at station 10:40ish.
Go to his. Watch Good Will Hunting. Good movie.
Eat pies and doughnut.
Go to Jane's.
Make brownies. They make. Sarah eats. Lol.
Eat brownies with ice cream. Yummmm.
Hang out. Good times.
Go to station 6ish.
Train arrives 6:45 odd
Get home 7:30ish
Dinner, MSN, Bed.
Wednesday, 9th.
Get ready, etc.
Taxi 12:30
Story Structure class 1pm
Teacher crosses out almost every word in my story. Hmph. Have to re-word nearly everything...
Class finished round 4.
Not a lot else happens this day.
Thursday, 10th.
Falalalalah get ready, etc.
Taxi 12:30.
Whoops. No Editing class today. Off to shops.
Get Thai Green Curry Chicken for lunch. So damn good...but so fReaKiN HoT!
Hang about at Josh's work again.
Career's councelling at 3:30. Don't get a lot out of it. Hmmm...
Back to shops at 4:15ish.
Go to Industry Overview class. Ok speaker. Poet dude. Interesting.
Class finishes 7.
Hang in library on computers till 8.
Go home w/Josh as we're watching movies at Avanthi's.
Take about 8 DVDs from my place.
Get to Avanthis.
Go get pizza.
Go back for that 1 DVD we didn't get. (Chicago! YAYYYY!)
Eat pizza. Watch movie. Woo.
Get TGS podcasts. Woooooo!!!
Movie finishes. Put on Monster House.
Movie finishes. Put on Over the Hedge.
Don't finish. Head home. About 3am.
Sleeeep.
Friday, 11th.
Friday = Sarah's official lazy day. Sleep sleep sleeeeeep!
5ish - Go to Gran's for dinner. Catch up with the aunts n uncle n cousin again. :)
BBQ dinner. Play with Jess. Bubbles - yay!
(Discover guava Cruisers. So good!)
Hehe.
Good family times.
Saturday, 12th. (present day)
Listen to ipod for substantial portion of the morning.
Go to shops.
Buy Mother's Day things that I can't say yet...cos Mum could read this before then...hehe.
And Fall Out Boy CD.
Haven't listened to much of it yet so couldn't tell you what I think of it...
And Coke (duh!)
Spend like 3 hours writing this up.
Freakin' ages!
Probably a boring read, but these past couple of months have been awesome! A lot of fun.
Fantastic people, great times.
Sarah is happy. :)
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